"Divided"
21:32 & 20.08.02
Ana, I love your comments. They mean so much to me.
I am the one dividing myself into percentages, not him. I asked him in an e - mail if he doesn't like my sensitive side or if he doesn't like it when I get upset with him. He replied that he didn't know how to answer that. -That he guessed it was me being upset with him.
I feel kind [kind of deeply] of hurt. This is probably a moment feeling, but if he hadn't ordered the ticket yet I would have told him not to. Instead I have to put this behind me somehow [as long as there is sunshine]. I want to have a good time when he is here. He repeats that he feels forced to talk to me on the phone and that I make him feel bad every time he wants to hang up. It's just his timing that sucks. He may say goodbye after he has shared his two cents about a sensitive subject for me. I've repeated a thousand times that he doesn't hurt me every time he wants to say goodbye.
I told him not to call me tonight. I don't really want to talk with him. Instead I want to keep him on some sort of distance so he can't reach too deep into me and hurt me too much.
It's not that it's not okay to dislike me when I am upset with him, or we have an argument. But if the case is that he dislikes me for being sensitive (easily happy, easily sad), I can't really see much of a future together. Being sensitive is a part of my personality.