"Forever or never with me"
17:25 & 20.04.02
I miss Craig like crazy. I can't even imagine how it will be this fall, when we've got to spend more time together and there will be more to look back at - more to miss. I call his cell phone every day. I know he wants me to leave a message, but I can't. I've done it three times or so in my life. [I'm not shy, I just don't like it]. I told a girl in the shop next to us about Craig. I think about him constantly.
I regret being nice (not charming) to Lars.
Karianne OS came by my store today. I didn't recognize her at first, you know instantly (I would have no problems seeing that it was her if I'd expected to see her). I haven't seen her since I visited her on my way home in August (due to the break up with Michael). She didn't look like she was doing all so well. I hope that she hasn't gone back to throwing up again. She has had bulimia for several years. She'd gained weight. She used to be so very skinny and now she's bigger than me. That's awfully strange to me. She'd bought a Rützoü skirt. I love that designer label.
I try to make budget's for the next few months, and it seems hopeless. Hopeless, meaning that I cannot predict my phone bill, which makes it hard to make a budget.
I've been thinking a lot. And the reason why I sometimes doubt that I am ready for a new relationship is that I am not ready to be hurt again.
Lars just tried to call me. Tried, because I ignored it. I just don't feel like talking with him right now. [Just for the record, I usually don't ignore phone calls].
I wish Craig would call and tell me he is home again. I miss him...