"You're so lovely"
14:36 & 13.04.02
You know what?, you're lovely
You know what?, you're so lovely
And, oh, what you do to me
I'm like an ocean wave that's bumped on the shore
I feel so absolutely stumped on the floor
Oscar Hammerstein II
I have reached a breakthrough. I am typing notes on a computer, trying not to fall asleep _and_ instead of looking up words in my dictionary there is one here on the computer. Which makes it all go a lot faster.
I've let Craig read my diary. I never thought I would do that again. To a boyfriend. I kind of wanted to leave the past behind me and start on new, but the trust thing and that I am scared of getting hurt again makes it kind of hard to leave everything behind. I wish that the things that happened with Micheal didn't interfer so much with my recent relationship. That I would be able to put all sorts of trust into him (Craig). It's so important for me. Psychiatrist thinks that I think this is great because he's so far away. I try to tell her, but Michael kind of suffocated me. I felt like he didn't let me have a life besides him. - And I let him. Håvard gave me too much space. But I am not scarred by him. We're still some sort of friends. (it is hard to be his friend when I've met Craig, and it is hard to tell Håvard about Craig, because he has met Michael and they talk whenever they meet! I really don't want to hurt his feelings.). I don't know how it will be to be with Craig on daily basis. It will be different with him, as one of us always will be a "visitor" in each others countries. I would probably not feel suffocated at all in USA, because I wouldn't know anyone else (in that state) except him. I would probably feel lonely without him. I hope I won't suffocate him. I wish I knew, even just a little bit, how it really would be.
Craig doesn't like my psychiatrist. I never get really why, though. I guess I always interrupt him :) Bad, bad habbit that has come along (and I only do that when I talk with Craig).