"Sometimes you come close"
14:27 & 08.04.02
Actually the library guy didn't just circle around me, he stopped and tried to talk with me - again (he tried yesterday as well, on the bus). I thought he gave up. He is so old. Probably in his 4O'ies.
I've been reading most of my older entries today. Deleted some. I have a lot more to delete.
I am still very much in love with Craig. I still love it when he talks about marrying me. I love pretty much everything he says. It worries me a little bit that we have such different opinions about things, though. Like, driving and drinking. I think it's wrong to drink one (or more) beer and drive, and he thinks it's okay (to drink a little bit - as long as you're not drunk). I really don't want to have an argument about that when I see him. - When I am so far away from home. I don't want to ride in a car with someone who has been drinking. I'd rather walk. [sigh]. And we have lots of disagreements like this. That worries me a little bit.
Another thing that I am worried about (pouring my heart out here) is that I am not telling him what I love about him enough.
I looked through my old e – mails. I’ve deleted a lot from Michael. I still have the lyrics to the song he wrote me, and the book and the small “I love you” notes he wrote me. But I consider getting rid of it all. It actually feels nice to delete the e – mails and to decrease the memories about him. They don’t mean the same as they did anymore. I don’t even miss him as a friend. That’s really strange, because I remember like it was yesterday when I thought I couldn’t cope without him as a friend. I guess we got too dependent on each other. – Or I really depended on him. I don’t know for sure about him anymore.
Craig is everything I missed in Michael. -Everything that I have looked for in other guys. Except the silly sense of humour I have sometimes. Emil had that. I guess that was really what I liked about him (that and his magnetism).
I am so tired now… My shoulders ache. I am not used to sit in one position like this (typing).
Ingvild told me I had lost weight today!! She’s the 3rd person mentioning this since my mum said so (Easter vacation). I haven’t made any effort to loose weight, so that’s super. My mum made me to promise (I don’t think I will keep that promise) that I didn’t make any more effort to loose weight. I am not skinny, so I don’t understand why she’s worried.