"I am leaving, on a jetplane"
11:38 & 12.12.02
I used to love that song. Reminds me of my "russetid".
I am leaving tomorrow. I don't know whether I look forward to it or not. I think I have lost some confidence in this relationship. I feel like I have lost him. I don't want to. It is the last thing in the world that I want.
Most of the tenderness between us is gone. I miss it so much. And this feeling doesn't make me feel ready to leave or to visit him.
It is such a big deal to see each other, and Christmas is such a big deal in itself. I would love to spend it with my family. I would love to feel safe.