"The room had no ceiling or no floor"
16:01 & 16.04.02
I've been at the hospital now. The nurse said "fear" was written all over me. The nurse and the doctor (Christian) were super cute. They were, not just between the tense moments where I just wanted to run out of the operation room...
I wondered if he [the doctor Christian] had been at my bar during UKA02. He was kind of young, and it was something familiar about him.
Anyway, I can't decide whether I am ashamed or not saying this, but they didn't manage to put that little silicon tube into my eye (that was after a lot of needles). I was too tense, and I said I didn't want to have any more needles in my eyes. They were really nice, they didn't make me look at him using the needles on my eyes (I got to close them, and I had something covering them, but that was see-through or something, I don't think he was "just feeling his way").
The nurse had to hold both my hands, and even though I'd had local anaesthetization, it really did hurt a lot. And it was weird. I kept telling the nurse that I was sorry for holding her hands so hard. They did everything and more to make me comfortable.
So... it has come out to that I am still welcome, but I have to see the-mean Dr. Anna Middelfart first (again) and then he suggested I would get a sedative next time. I used to be really "oh, just get over and done with it". I have been wimpy. (Or?). I was really upset with my mum yesterday, because I told her I was nervous about today (because it hurt so much when Dr. Anna Middelfart put her needles in my eyes) because she started talking about this colleague of her that has cancer and about the time my grandma had her hip surgery (the last one included details).
They removed all my make up (I only had a little bit of foundation) and sterilized my face (on my way home I looked like Frau Frankenstein with no blood around my eyes = very pale skin area). _And_ my point is, I haven't put on new make up. I am at the university, and I look a little dull, but I still not bad. Actually I am considering dropping the foundation (just a little bit of YSL magic pen, a little bit of blush, and eye make up) for work tomorrow. (!)
6 days left.