"You left me with a hotdog in my hand"
10:52 a.m. & 2001-12-26
I can't seem to let him be can I? I sent him a few sms's asking him if he didn't care [with other words] and he said he was busy, dinner party.
Honestly, because these are thoughts that I don't dare to share with anyone. I melt the times he say that he wants to cuddle with me. And things like that. I guess, I like that he is dominant - to a certain point. He is too dominant and I don't like that. But he has that thing that Michael didn't have. But I am afraid that he is intimate with his ex-girlfriend. Ever time I have had a hair cut (after their break up), he has told me that they do everything but sex. But what if they have sex. I never see him. And I promised myself not to invest any feelings into this [him].
And I wonder if he told certain things that he told me (while doing my hair) to others. How did they react? I hardly spoke back to him.
I talked with him earlier today. My voice is usually quite full, not small and quiet and nervous like when I talked with him. And it's not "in love nervous". It's scared nervous.
Why can't I just leave him here in 2001 and walk into a brighter 2002?
PS:Dinner must be awfully long, but this is his last day in Stavanger... so I guess it would be rude of him to ... yeah. I couldn't talk with him yesterday, because of the same reasons. Oh, believe me it is not the same coming home to pasta with pesto when you have eaten perfect turkey (tried not think that it once had been alive) cooked rice - just the way I love it, and lots of things I liked... Mmmm... food.